So I'm sitting at the library, just kinda sorta musing on life and events in general. Here are some results:
1) If a problem can't be solved by using either a cricket bat or a shovel, then that problem has to be as big as Godzilla.
2) You should never be killed by a zombie. They can't run.
3) Job interviews would probably go better if someone either has a herald, or talks like Beowulf.
4) Shenanigans should be attempted on a daily basis. Success on a weekly basis.
5) If you don't find Disney movies heartwrenching, are you even human?
6) Everyone should have a fort in the woods. With a password.
7) The Irish are brilliant when they are being witty. Everyone should memorize a proverb in order to live a sarcastic life.
8) The world would be a better place if it had more foam sword fights. Like a foam sword fight.... on Wall Street.
9) Diet drinks are stupid. I don't care. You don't get happiness out of Diet Coke. You get satisfaction, which you can get better from water. Don't drink diet anything.
10) I should not be allowed in public.
11) I should be President. I would do a better job.
12) Jurrasic Park needs to be an actual event. With Tyranosaurus Rex rides the eventual goal.
13) You made it this far?
14) Middle names should be used as jokes. My son's shall be adventure. So that he will know his purpose in life.
15) When in doubt, break a glass bottle. Shattering makes everything feel better.
I guess that's all I've got for now. I feel philosophical now.
Holla!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Thursday, November 26, 2009
A Pennington Thanksgiving
So chances are the biggest holiday in your family is Christmas. Am I right? I'm right, arent' I? Don't deny it! But for the Pennington family, it's Thanksgiving. Everyone who knows my family in the slightest knows our habits about buying things. So of course a day where we can actually give gifts to ourselves (i.e. food) is a dream! So once a year, the majority of the Pennington family gathers at my grandparents house for a free meal. But this is the Pennington family... naturally it is extremely different from how a normal family is. Examples of these differences:
Pronounced blondness and epic failure abounds!
-Every female in the family becomes the blondest, country-est person you have ever laid eyes on. My mother, from Ohio, is a prime example of this. This year as I was placing a pan in the refrigerator, it would not quite fit. My mother, in all her brilliance, says, "turn it sideways." I turn to her and respond, "It's a square, mom...." Now any normal person would immediately realize that this means all the sides are equal! But not my mom! O no... she has to say, "Try it anyways!" Many episodes of these types of airheadedness take place all Thanksgiving day!
A time for news to be shared.
-For most families this would mean catching up or saying how life is going. Not my family! Whenever we get big news, we ALWAYS hold it until Thanksgiving. This has been everything from the announcing of a pregnancy to showing off a birth none of us were aware of. O! and even a favorite cousing coming out of the closet! Not by telling us... but by showing up with his boyfriend. Yes, tons of fun that Pennington family!
The stealing of food.
-Naturally, when there is vast amounts of food prepared, lots of it will be eaten before the yearly command of "dig in." But this is Pat Pennington food... So you know there is much of it and it is all delicious. One thing that is prepared exceptionally well is the deviled eggs. They are a veritable tradition! Every year, my dad fixes 2 dozen more. And every year.... they never survive to dinner! One year, they were all stolen and we STILL don't know who took them. Literally, the entire tray was gone! But this happens not only to the eggs. We never have food left over after Thanksgiving. Not because everyone eats it! O no... that's too simple! But instead because the entire family STEALS the trays back home! I live in a family of thieves!
Falling into the lake.
-There is a lake behind my grandparent's house. It is the Maywood lake. Every year, SOMEONE falls into the lake. In November. This has been because of a variety of reasons. Such as trying to shoot a snake with a BB gun, trying to catch a fish in a bucket from a boat, drunkeness, and even because they were on fire.... Gotta love the Penningtons!
The head bumb!
-My grandparents are short. The rest of family is not that short... My grandparents' door frames are very small.... Every year, many curses are shouted as people smack their heads on door frames constantly! My seven foot tall cousin wears a helmet over now. It took him 10 Thanksgivings to think that one up... We all look like we had been headbutting when we finally leave.
This is just the highlights of a Pennington family Thanksgiving. Of course there is much more to it. But this is just what I think of every year....
Holla!
Pronounced blondness and epic failure abounds!
-Every female in the family becomes the blondest, country-est person you have ever laid eyes on. My mother, from Ohio, is a prime example of this. This year as I was placing a pan in the refrigerator, it would not quite fit. My mother, in all her brilliance, says, "turn it sideways." I turn to her and respond, "It's a square, mom...." Now any normal person would immediately realize that this means all the sides are equal! But not my mom! O no... she has to say, "Try it anyways!" Many episodes of these types of airheadedness take place all Thanksgiving day!
A time for news to be shared.
-For most families this would mean catching up or saying how life is going. Not my family! Whenever we get big news, we ALWAYS hold it until Thanksgiving. This has been everything from the announcing of a pregnancy to showing off a birth none of us were aware of. O! and even a favorite cousing coming out of the closet! Not by telling us... but by showing up with his boyfriend. Yes, tons of fun that Pennington family!
The stealing of food.
-Naturally, when there is vast amounts of food prepared, lots of it will be eaten before the yearly command of "dig in." But this is Pat Pennington food... So you know there is much of it and it is all delicious. One thing that is prepared exceptionally well is the deviled eggs. They are a veritable tradition! Every year, my dad fixes 2 dozen more. And every year.... they never survive to dinner! One year, they were all stolen and we STILL don't know who took them. Literally, the entire tray was gone! But this happens not only to the eggs. We never have food left over after Thanksgiving. Not because everyone eats it! O no... that's too simple! But instead because the entire family STEALS the trays back home! I live in a family of thieves!
Falling into the lake.
-There is a lake behind my grandparent's house. It is the Maywood lake. Every year, SOMEONE falls into the lake. In November. This has been because of a variety of reasons. Such as trying to shoot a snake with a BB gun, trying to catch a fish in a bucket from a boat, drunkeness, and even because they were on fire.... Gotta love the Penningtons!
The head bumb!
-My grandparents are short. The rest of family is not that short... My grandparents' door frames are very small.... Every year, many curses are shouted as people smack their heads on door frames constantly! My seven foot tall cousin wears a helmet over now. It took him 10 Thanksgivings to think that one up... We all look like we had been headbutting when we finally leave.
This is just the highlights of a Pennington family Thanksgiving. Of course there is much more to it. But this is just what I think of every year....
Holla!
Monday, November 16, 2009
THE GREATEST NAME EVER!!!!
This will so be the name of my first child, male or female. Igor just holds a special meaning for me.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Certainties of College
So if you are unaware of this, there are certain things that will always happen at college when conditions are met. Very rarely are they pleasant. I have compilied a list of things that happen when circumstances meet the need:
1)Rain- When ever I have my laptop in my backpack, am wearing a suit, or fail to have my rain jacket, there will be a downpour. This is a guarantee! No matter how much I try to carry my rain jacket or not my laptop, it will rain! Point of interest: If the forecast is a 90% chance of rain and I prepare, it will not rain. What's up wit dat?
2)Library- This is a major place of certainties! For example, whenever I have to work a late shift and remember to bring a book or something, they will have me shelving. Vice versa, if I forget to bring something, they will have me sitting at a desk. Forever and always. Also, whenever I'm shelving, if the books are crammed in really tight in the general area I'm shelving, then where I am supposed to place my current book will be on the top shelf where I can't reach. Talk about a pain!
3)Sleep- Whenever I actually can go to bed early, as in I'm back on time and have nothing to do that night and nothing is due the next day, I will never be able to sleep that night. Also the next day I will pass out in a class. Forever and always. Example: Sunday night I will have nothing important due on Monday. I will go to bed early. I will lay there most of the night wide awake. The next day I will fall asleep in Chinese.
4)Studying- whenever I study ahead, i.e. several days before a test, I will completely understand it the night before. However when that test gets in front of me I will draw a blank. Every time. You can sit there and quiz me the night before on every character I have ever seen in Chinese and I will answer perfectly! But as soon as that test gets in front of me, stick a fork in me cause I'm done!
5)Luckyday- Will always be my biggest tormenter and worst class. Yes, they will always give me needless requirements and pointless assignments to complete at the busiest times of my life. An essay for them will always be due the same day as my essay for a class that actually matters. And the Luckyday essay will always be more difficult!
6)Books- If I am ever behind on getting a book, let's say for Honors 101, and we are supposedly going to be on it for a month, I will skip class to go and purchase the book. As soon as I go to the next class with it I will be informed that this is the last day we are using it. Case in point: Working by Studs Terkel. O such fun!
There are more certainties, but this is really all I care to post about on here. Go figure. I hope maybe these certainties have helped you, they haven't helped me too much. If you have any of your own, go ahead and tell me!
Holla,
Max
1)Rain- When ever I have my laptop in my backpack, am wearing a suit, or fail to have my rain jacket, there will be a downpour. This is a guarantee! No matter how much I try to carry my rain jacket or not my laptop, it will rain! Point of interest: If the forecast is a 90% chance of rain and I prepare, it will not rain. What's up wit dat?
2)Library- This is a major place of certainties! For example, whenever I have to work a late shift and remember to bring a book or something, they will have me shelving. Vice versa, if I forget to bring something, they will have me sitting at a desk. Forever and always. Also, whenever I'm shelving, if the books are crammed in really tight in the general area I'm shelving, then where I am supposed to place my current book will be on the top shelf where I can't reach. Talk about a pain!
3)Sleep- Whenever I actually can go to bed early, as in I'm back on time and have nothing to do that night and nothing is due the next day, I will never be able to sleep that night. Also the next day I will pass out in a class. Forever and always. Example: Sunday night I will have nothing important due on Monday. I will go to bed early. I will lay there most of the night wide awake. The next day I will fall asleep in Chinese.
4)Studying- whenever I study ahead, i.e. several days before a test, I will completely understand it the night before. However when that test gets in front of me I will draw a blank. Every time. You can sit there and quiz me the night before on every character I have ever seen in Chinese and I will answer perfectly! But as soon as that test gets in front of me, stick a fork in me cause I'm done!
5)Luckyday- Will always be my biggest tormenter and worst class. Yes, they will always give me needless requirements and pointless assignments to complete at the busiest times of my life. An essay for them will always be due the same day as my essay for a class that actually matters. And the Luckyday essay will always be more difficult!
6)Books- If I am ever behind on getting a book, let's say for Honors 101, and we are supposedly going to be on it for a month, I will skip class to go and purchase the book. As soon as I go to the next class with it I will be informed that this is the last day we are using it. Case in point: Working by Studs Terkel. O such fun!
There are more certainties, but this is really all I care to post about on here. Go figure. I hope maybe these certainties have helped you, they haven't helped me too much. If you have any of your own, go ahead and tell me!
Holla,
Max
Monday, October 26, 2009
The Newest Law
Based upon the absolute and utter awesomeness I have discovered I have developed for writing papers, I feel like there should be a new law. What it basically constitutes is that whenever I write a paper on a subject which I have absolutely no postive idea about completely off the top of my head, every single person should have to send me a text, facebook message, phone call, or to my face a message saying "Mr. Max Pennington, you are an utterly spontaneous, articulate beast which has never been seen on this planet before and will never been seen again."
Now I understand that this statement is completely untrue. Yet, if made into law, I feel like it will encourage me to really use this spontaneous paper writing skill for good. Like aiding people that can not write well under pressure, i.e. Ms. Kryptonite. (She knows who she is.) Also, this will provide me with a good deed for the day. So, you see if people say this phrase to me it will better me and I will in turn use this for the betterment of humanity.
If you doubt my vernacular skill in the department of rushed papers, you have only to read my corporate report on the Coca-Cola Company written in one hour to understand just how true the statement "Max is to writing emergency papers, what Chuck Norris is to the person he is round house kicking."
So if you think this is a law that needs to be made, begin saying this phrase to me. If enough people do it, it will eventually become a cultural phenomena and soon a law. You see my energy shot logic of course!
Holla!
Now I understand that this statement is completely untrue. Yet, if made into law, I feel like it will encourage me to really use this spontaneous paper writing skill for good. Like aiding people that can not write well under pressure, i.e. Ms. Kryptonite. (She knows who she is.) Also, this will provide me with a good deed for the day. So, you see if people say this phrase to me it will better me and I will in turn use this for the betterment of humanity.
If you doubt my vernacular skill in the department of rushed papers, you have only to read my corporate report on the Coca-Cola Company written in one hour to understand just how true the statement "Max is to writing emergency papers, what Chuck Norris is to the person he is round house kicking."
So if you think this is a law that needs to be made, begin saying this phrase to me. If enough people do it, it will eventually become a cultural phenomena and soon a law. You see my energy shot logic of course!
Holla!
Friday, September 18, 2009
My Professors
For some odd reason, I feel the need to review my teachers. If you have any of them then you will probably find this humorous. Know ahead of time that I love all my teachers to death
1)Dr. Lin- Guess I should start with the prof I see everyday. Yes, I daily subject myself to Chinese. Dr. Lin.... trips me out. She always asks me the weirdest questions in Chinese. Example: The other day I had to speak about my hometown in Chinese. Her question? Does Memphis have emo's... Yes, I know. She is actually from China. Dr. Lin is pretty funny though, I think. She makes a lot of jokes in Chinese that I never understand but everyone laughs so I assume she must be. But she really is a great person who is always willing to help me out, such as when I sleep through my alarm because of many fire alarms and miss her class. So she lets me make up my work.
2)Dr. Jackson- Not quite sure what to make of this guy. Just so you know, I only have him for another week in INST and then either Gispen or Sellar rotates in. But Jackson is an alright guy. I'm convinced I'm his favorite cause he always gives me a good grade on my last minute essays. Or I'm just good at essys, which I doubt. Just so you know though, he is writing a book. And has us doing all his research. Naturally, I love practicality! So I completely support his method!
3)Dr. Buskes- Oh oh! This guy is a trip! He can make the simplest things beyond complicated! And he does it with simple terms which makes things so much better! Plus, he is from the Netherlands so his complicated simplified teaching is a lot of the time not understandable. Don't get me wrong! Buskes is a fun guy! He always sets me up for perfect "that's what she said jokes" although I doubt he realizes this.... but I'm always quick to point it out! And he can keep up with my smart aleck comments! So he gets a check mark! (All of you in his class understand this)
4)Mrs. Merrill- Ah... my EDHE teacher. The teacher of the one class I never wanted or planned to take. How am I going to describe the teacher of a class I hate? I love Mrs. Merrill. She is so nice! She acts like a complete meanie in front of all the other Luckyday peeps, but in my class... let's just say I get to be me in there. Although she definitely makes her class harder than all my other classes. Go figure....
5)Dr. Richard Gordon- This guy I saved for last on purpose, because he is my favorite prof thus far! He teaches Honors 101 for me, and he cracks me up! He is so laid back. I skipped his class today cause of the rain, and he doesn't even care and won't drop my grade for that! Our class has dubbed him King Richard and loves it! The other honors classes have read 4 books. We just finished the Communist Manifesto, our second book. I mean, come on, the guy let me write a journal comparing Michael Scott to St. Augustine! The man has gotta be fun!
These are my professors. Of course there are people at the university that I love watching to see what crazy thing they'll do next (Dr. Shenck [pronounced:Shank]) and to listen to (Sparky). But my professors are so much fun and I definitely abuse my freedom there. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm heading out for the night.
Holla!
1)Dr. Lin- Guess I should start with the prof I see everyday. Yes, I daily subject myself to Chinese. Dr. Lin.... trips me out. She always asks me the weirdest questions in Chinese. Example: The other day I had to speak about my hometown in Chinese. Her question? Does Memphis have emo's... Yes, I know. She is actually from China. Dr. Lin is pretty funny though, I think. She makes a lot of jokes in Chinese that I never understand but everyone laughs so I assume she must be. But she really is a great person who is always willing to help me out, such as when I sleep through my alarm because of many fire alarms and miss her class. So she lets me make up my work.
2)Dr. Jackson- Not quite sure what to make of this guy. Just so you know, I only have him for another week in INST and then either Gispen or Sellar rotates in. But Jackson is an alright guy. I'm convinced I'm his favorite cause he always gives me a good grade on my last minute essays. Or I'm just good at essys, which I doubt. Just so you know though, he is writing a book. And has us doing all his research. Naturally, I love practicality! So I completely support his method!
3)Dr. Buskes- Oh oh! This guy is a trip! He can make the simplest things beyond complicated! And he does it with simple terms which makes things so much better! Plus, he is from the Netherlands so his complicated simplified teaching is a lot of the time not understandable. Don't get me wrong! Buskes is a fun guy! He always sets me up for perfect "that's what she said jokes" although I doubt he realizes this.... but I'm always quick to point it out! And he can keep up with my smart aleck comments! So he gets a check mark! (All of you in his class understand this)
4)Mrs. Merrill- Ah... my EDHE teacher. The teacher of the one class I never wanted or planned to take. How am I going to describe the teacher of a class I hate? I love Mrs. Merrill. She is so nice! She acts like a complete meanie in front of all the other Luckyday peeps, but in my class... let's just say I get to be me in there. Although she definitely makes her class harder than all my other classes. Go figure....
5)Dr. Richard Gordon- This guy I saved for last on purpose, because he is my favorite prof thus far! He teaches Honors 101 for me, and he cracks me up! He is so laid back. I skipped his class today cause of the rain, and he doesn't even care and won't drop my grade for that! Our class has dubbed him King Richard and loves it! The other honors classes have read 4 books. We just finished the Communist Manifesto, our second book. I mean, come on, the guy let me write a journal comparing Michael Scott to St. Augustine! The man has gotta be fun!
These are my professors. Of course there are people at the university that I love watching to see what crazy thing they'll do next (Dr. Shenck [pronounced:Shank]) and to listen to (Sparky). But my professors are so much fun and I definitely abuse my freedom there. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm heading out for the night.
Holla!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Duna nunna nunna nuna BATMAN!
So if you are unaware of this, you can now go to Wal-Mart and purchase the original 4 Batman movies on DVD. As the only one I had fully seen was Batman and Robin, I decided to purchase it. It was only $10 after all. So, here are some of the observations I've had on these movies.
1) Tongue in cheek
Is there a reason these movies got gradually more and more... funny? I don't understand. In the first one, Batman is never ever caught making a joke. It's his kryptonite. In Batman and Robin, why he's full on making witty comebacks! Since when did he become Spiderman? Probably the only reason they cast George Clooney there...
2)The Costume
Explain to me why in the third and fourth movies... Batman and Robin's costumes... have nipples? Just wondering why the anatomical correctness.
3)Casting
So I think casting was... great! In all the movies. I know a lot of people think Arnold and Uma and George and Alicia and whoever played Robin were horrible casting calls, but I thoroughly enjoyed them. Just made everything so much fresher! And Tommy Lee Jones in the 3rd one tripped me out the whole time.
4)Villians
Why are the Penguin, Riddler, and Two-face all as obsessed with comedy as... the Joker? Could the direct come up with no other way to make them scary? I mean Jack Nicholson scared the crap outta me! But I found the Riddler to be his dweeby wanna be brother.
5)Batman's Identity
Can someone not find out Bruce Wayne is Batman? Seriously! I'm tired of it. Every important person in the movies figures it out! Except Commissioner Gordon. Sigh. I could be a better superhero. Just need a multi-million dollar utility belt.
Despite how I'm getting annoyed at parts of the movies, I love them! I find them extremely enjoyable and a great way to spend my time!
Holla!
1) Tongue in cheek
Is there a reason these movies got gradually more and more... funny? I don't understand. In the first one, Batman is never ever caught making a joke. It's his kryptonite. In Batman and Robin, why he's full on making witty comebacks! Since when did he become Spiderman? Probably the only reason they cast George Clooney there...
2)The Costume
Explain to me why in the third and fourth movies... Batman and Robin's costumes... have nipples? Just wondering why the anatomical correctness.
3)Casting
So I think casting was... great! In all the movies. I know a lot of people think Arnold and Uma and George and Alicia and whoever played Robin were horrible casting calls, but I thoroughly enjoyed them. Just made everything so much fresher! And Tommy Lee Jones in the 3rd one tripped me out the whole time.
4)Villians
Why are the Penguin, Riddler, and Two-face all as obsessed with comedy as... the Joker? Could the direct come up with no other way to make them scary? I mean Jack Nicholson scared the crap outta me! But I found the Riddler to be his dweeby wanna be brother.
5)Batman's Identity
Can someone not find out Bruce Wayne is Batman? Seriously! I'm tired of it. Every important person in the movies figures it out! Except Commissioner Gordon. Sigh. I could be a better superhero. Just need a multi-million dollar utility belt.
Despite how I'm getting annoyed at parts of the movies, I love them! I find them extremely enjoyable and a great way to spend my time!
Holla!
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